We all fall down!

Hay fever has been terrible today, and I suddenly remembered that when I did my very first practitioner training in 1990, we learned an NLP allergy cure. It's working! The oldies are the best :-) If you decide to try this yourself though, please remember you should not use it for allergens that have caused you to have anaphylaxis or for severe generalised allergy.

Shoes or chocolate?

Apparently some women buy shoes when under pressure. Others eat chocolate. Me - I buy websites! My new website www.joycecampbell.co.uk will launch next month to coincide with the release of my new book. And while I was at it, I chucked a few more domain names in the basket as well. A business can never have too many domain names :-)

5 things I wish I'd known 30 years ago

The end of the academic year, and thousands of young people are thinking that this is it - it's finally time for life to start. I wish someone had told me this all those years ago:

1. All that learning was all well and good, but knowing myself was more important. Take time to explore your values and your goals, and work out what really is important to you. If the career path you set out on doesn’t deliver on what makes you happy, then do something else that does. Pay more attention to what you think and feel than to what others think and feel. Other relationships pass, but you have to live with you for the rest of your life.
2. Tough times pass: ask yourself what you can learn from the experience.
3. Don’t follow the herd! Be willing to take some risks. Have courage, be bold. You don’t have to be liked by everyone.
4. Take some risks every day – you don’t need to risk life and limb, but think what you might achieve if you just did one thing a day that stretched the edge of your comfort zone.
5. Build a strong network, and get some good role models. Look for people who have done the kinds of things you want to do, and work out how they achieved it. If it is possible in the world, it’s possible for you!

Dreaming....

“The possible's slow fuse is lit by the imagination” 

Emily Dickenson

Wearing your pulling pants...

All my life, I’ve heard the adage “it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile”, but the relative numbers seem to vary with each telling.  The first time I heard it the school dentist was attaching the hated braces to my teeth, and trying to make me feel better about them. As if! Snopes tells me that the jury is actually out on the veracity of the statement. Whatever the truth is about  our physogimy, most people would prefer the emotions associated with smiling than frowning.

And yet sometimes it’s really hard to get there, as we strive to fulfil multiple roles, many pulling us in different directions. Our boss wants that paper tonight, but we promised the kids we’d make a cake with them. Our partner wants a romantic early night, but we would really rather sleep so we can have some semblance of coping the next day. We haven’t called our parents for ages, but we crave some me time.

The end result of all of this is feeling  flat, depressed, anxious and stressed. NLP puts a lot of emphasis on the need for what is called “state management”. But how do you actually DO it?

First, make some time for yourself. This is YOUR life, and none of us know how long or short it will be. And if we spend all our resources on looking after other people, what happens when we get too burned out to go on? Remember the goose and the golden egg: it’s not selfish to look after the goose – otherwise, to take the metaphor to its conclusion, it’s one nice roast dinner, and then short rations. Even if all you can manage initially is a few 5 minute slots a day, take them, and do the breathing exercise a couple of posts below.

Define your priorities: what really matters to you? The dust doesn’t get much worse after the first couple of weeks, I've discovered! What are the stories you want to tell your great grandchildren about your life: “ I kept a clean house” “ I worked late at the office every night” Really?

What are a couple of things you can do that would enjoy, and would be good for you? Upping your fruit and vegetable intake, getting some fresh air every day can all make you feel better. Even if no one else is doing it, give yourself some positive strokes. Notice your achievements, big and small. When my daughter was a baby, some days my achievement was that I’d showered and cleaned my teeth! Be kind to yourself. If it helps, keep a journal.

Try new things – say yes to opportunities.

And at least sometimes, wear your fancy knickers – you don’t need to keep things for “best” you ARE the best - treat yourself  well.

For more information about training in NLP, hypnotherapy, coaching or self-hypnosis, please do visit NLP and Coaching Scotland.

Looking for more cheese....

I first read "Who Moved My Cheese?" in 1998, when one of my daughter's hospital consultants gave me a copy. She'd been very ill and had major surgery, and I was very much in "why us?" mode. It represented the kind but firm kick up the backside I probably needed to get me back on track.

Today I was sitting in Waterstones (see previous post about coffee shops!!), and noticed a few copies on the shelf. It's a quick read, only about half an hour I suppose, but re-reading it, I was reminded just what a fabulous book it is.

Who Moved My Cheese? is a metaphor, focused on  four characters living in a maze. When one day their supply of cheese dries up, they all deal with it in different ways. In fact, one of them doesn't deal with it at all. Gently and with humour, the reader is invited to confront the realities of their own maze: whether it's about work, relationships, health, or our dreams and aspirations.

And in fact, as it did all those years ago, the book has inspired me to consider the changes I need to make, and to get out there and look for more cheese.

Just give me a minute....

I’m a bit of a coffee shop addict. I think I have aspirations to be the next JK Rowling really. I find them an ideal place to work: internet, comfy chairs, enough of the “right” kind of noise to be relaxing, and nice coffee. Which may be on the pricy side, but really, where else would I rent an office for the morning for a fiver?

So today I was sitting in a coffee shop between meetings, and watching the world go by, and I was struck by how truly tense and miserable lots of people looked. Frown lines, shoulders around the ears, grumpy expressions. 21st century life can be tough: commuting, money worries, job worries, relationship worries, worries about the kids, the rent, the time to be a good parent, partner, or friend.

And yet we also need to remind ourselves of that mind body connection, that many physical ailments impinge on our mental health, and equally if not more importantly, vice versa.

One of the things we teach on our self hypnosis training is how to break into that cycle of stress and tension, by focusing on our breathing for a few moments.  This shortened version is enough to give us, quite literally, that breathing space we need to turn things around.

Just for a moment, stop what you are doing. Pay attention to your shoulders, and allow them to drop. Let your eyebrows relax, and let your jaw go loose (you can keep your mouth shut, but just ensure that your upper and lower teeth at the back are separate). You can close your eyes, or leave them open, whatever is appropriate.

Just ask yourself:  “How am I, right now? How do I feel? What are my thoughts?” This is not about judgement, or trying to “think positive” It’s simply about recognising and accepting your thoughts, even if they are unwanted, for about a minute.

Now, gently redirect your full attention to your breathing. Notice each breath in and out. If your breathing is high in your chest, just notice what happens of you move the focus of your breathing into your abdomen.  As you notice your breaths say in your mind “in breath” then “out breath” or slowly count to four on the in and out breath. Do this for a couple of minutes, using the breathing to clear the mind and help you to become still inside.

Once you feel relaxed, check your body - do you have any remaining areas of stress or tension? If so, imagine breathing into that part of your body. Allow any tension to float away on the out breath, and feel the muscles softening and becoming more relaxed.

So take a minute now, and do try this at home.